The other day my 4 year old angel told me that one of her little friends in headstart told her that I was fat. She said it matter of factly, like it was just another day. But I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for her and for my son, because their mom is known as "The Fat Mommy". Wow. OUCH.
Sometimes I think that others think that Fat Girls don't have feelings. That our emotions are covered up by layers of cellulite. Not so, my friend. Not so. We have feelings just like anyone else, and ours might even be more sensitive than you think. I have ALWAYS been a bigger girl. ALWAYS. I was made fun of, teased. People would sing songs about me in the hallways at school. After awhile I learned to shield myself from the insults and the slurs. I became "The Funny Girl" so that I wouldn't always be known as "The Fat Girl". But after I would always go home and cry. I don't know how many times I have cried myself to sleep over the way someone has treated me because of my size. I know that people watch me when my family and I go out to eat. I feel their stares and hear their whispers. I feel them judging me by what I have ordered, or when they pass me in the store, judging me by what is on my cart.
Well, let me enlighten you. I DON'T CHOOSE THIS! I don't choose to be a fat girl. Granted, my eating habits could change. I'm the first to admit that. But I also know alot more about me than you do.
I know that there is a family history in my family of large women.
I know that I don't eat as much as you think I do.
I know that I have tried diet after diet after diet.
And I know that none of them have worked for me.
I know that I have tried weight loss medications.
They worked the opposite way.
I know that I have joined exercise programs.
The weight didn't go anywhere.
I know that some people think that being overweight is a choice. Do you REALLY think that I would CHOOSE to be made fun of? Do you think that I would CHOOSE to cry myself to sleep every night, because of some cruel person's careless comments?
I remember a test that Tyra Banks did on her show once. She went out as herself into the community. She was met with admiring looks from men, flirtatious comments. Later she went out into the same community in a fat suit. She went to the same stores. Talked to some of the same people that she had talked to as herself. She was treated so differently that she was surprised and saddened. She said it really opened her eyes as to how fat people are treated. And whether people want to believe it or not, fat people ARE treated differently. I have been the recipient of such treatment myself. And it really sucks.
I am sorry for my children that their mom is known as "The Fat Mommy". That breaks my heart. The other night after my angel had fallen asleep, I cried myself to sleep. Again. I have lost track of how many times I have done that. I am sorry for myself that nothing I have tried seems to work.
And please, next time that a comment is on the tip of your tongue about some person that may be larger than you, remember that they DO have feelings. They hurt, just like you do. We bleed red, just like you do. We put our pants on the same way you do, one leg at a time. We cry, we feel. Being heavy doesn't insulate us from feelings. Remember that next time. And I invite you to take a walk in my shoes.