Saturday, October 6, 2007

3 months today

Three months ago today my whole world changed. My dad died.

We had gone to Great Falls for the day. Just to get out of town, do something. We had borrowed my mom's car because ours wasn't working. My dad had been over that morning to see if he could fix the car, but he couldn't figure it out. He told me he would be back and see if he could get it to working, but he was gonna go home and get his bike ready to go across the mountains. He had a date with my oldest niece to take her to the circus.

I went up to my mom's house to get her car. I helped my dad tie things down on his bike, told him I loved him and that I would see him when he got back. I told him to be careful.

We went to Great Falls and everything was fine. We were leaving about 7:00, and we stopped by Taco Time to get something to eat. All of a sudden my stomach started hurting and I didn't feel so good. I figured it was the taco. Later I found out that my dad passed away at around 7:00.

We got home, and I took my mom's car back up to her. I was helping her do something on the computer when all of a sudden the phone rang. It was my husband. I figured he was calling to see when I was gonna be home. How I wish that is what he has been calling for.

He said, "Angela, your dad is dead." I told him he was lying, that I didn't think he was being very funny at all. He just kept saying that he was. That my grandmother and her husband were on their way up to my mom's to tell us. I told him he was lying....I was mom is yelling at me to tell her what is going on. I said that Randon said that my grandma and her husband were on their way up here (to her house) to tell us that dad had been killed in a motorcycle wreck. We went out to the driveway to wait and see. They took so long that I figured it was all a horrible joke. Then I saw their truck and I knew. I knew that I would never see my daddy again.

I keep hoping that this is all a terrible dream. That I will wake up and he will be here. That he's not in the cold hard ground. When he passed away I made a CD of songs that I thought might belp me through the process. Some were played at his funeral. I have only been able to listen to the CD once, and I bawled all the way thru it. The other day I made a CD with other songs on it, and I included the Josh Groban song. I thought that maybe if I took them in smaller doses I would be able to listen to them. The Josh Groban song came on and I just bawled all the way thru it.

Josh Groban - To Where You Are Lyrics

Who can say for certain/ Maybe you’re still here /I feel you all around me /Your memories so clear /Deep in the stillness/ I can hear you speak/ You’re still an inspiration/ Can it be (? ) /That you are mine Forever love /And you are watching over me from up above/ Fly me up to where you are/ Beyond the distant star /I wish upon tonight /To see you smile /If only for awhile to know you’re there/ A breath away’s not far /To where you are /Are you gently sleeping/Here inside my dream/ And isn’t faith believing/ All power can’t be seen/ As my heart holds you /Just one beat away /I cherish all you gave me everyday/ ’cause you are mine Forever love/ Watching me from up above/ And I believe That angels breathe /And that love will live on and never leave /Fly me up To where you are/ Beyond the distant star /I wish upon tonight/ To see you smile/ If only for awhile/ To know you’re there /A breath away’s not far /To where you are/ I know you’re there /A breath away’s not far/ To where you are/

In Loving Memory of
Kenneth John Nielson

1 Totally cool people said::

Marci Knecht said...

That song always make me cry anyway, so when you associate it with your fathers passing I can only imagine how much worse it makes it. You need to put on something a little more upbeat and allow yourself to smile. Your Dad would want that.