Warning: Long, ranty, poor me post ahead.
I am so tired. Tired of everthing. I am so very discouraged and frustrated and SAD. I simply am at the point where I just can't go on ANYMORE.
I have come to hate the neighborhood we live in. I still LOVE Logan, but I have really come to hate our neighborhood. Our ward is still mostly great, our bishop is wonderful....but as our ward IS our neighborhood....well. Let's just say that I would be totally fine not going to church. Things have become so very tense and awkward because of various things. And now, it's affecting my kids too. SOOOO not ok. I pretty much hide in my house all day, even when it's absolutely gorgeous outside, because then I don't have to be around others. I would much rather hide in my house than be ignored and ostracized.
I am beyond sick and tired of being made out to be the jerk all the time. Made out to be the bad guy. I am tired of struggling for every red cent we get. My son wanted to make a poster for a reading contest at school. I didn't have 50 cents to buy him a poster board to make a poster. I am trying to build up a business to bring in income, and I can't even do that. I NEED to see my mom....but can't because of money and time. People that I thought were friends aren't. Even though I have apologized for things, even if I don't know why, I am still being treated like a leper or someone with some contagious disease. I am just at my wits' end. I simply cannot go on anymore. I am so tired of struggling. I am so tired of trying to stretch 1 dollar into 10. Or even 1 cent into 10 cents. Last wek I had to go to court for that stupid ticket for no insurance. I was sentenced to 8 days in jail. EIGHT FREAKING DAYS IN JAIL FOR NO PROOF OF INSURANCE!!! AND IT WASN'T EVEN MY CAR!!!! The judge suspended the eight days, but if I don't pay the ticket, which we don't have the money for, then I have to go to jail for 8 days. I would have to say that in this instance, the punishment DEFINITELY does not fit the crime. My husband and I (bless his heart) have been a lot more short tempered with each other lately as well. Normally we don't fight a whole lot. Lately we have been a little bit more. I know it is the stress of everything. We are both trying so hard and getting nowhere. On top of all that....I have to take a daily medication. My husband has to take a daily medication. My son has to take a daily medication. Have we been taking our meds? No. We can't afford to get the prescriptions refilled. Even WITH the insurance that we pay out the backside for.
I know that we are so very blessed, and I am so grateful for that. Right now, things are all crashing and happening at once and it is so overwhelming.